As I get up to leave the restaurant, he tells me he’ll walk with me out
to my car. As the quiet of the evening hits us, we talk in a gentler
tone, like we
do whenever we’re alone together. The chemistry between us is palpable.
He brings that we never get to see each other, because our schedules
are completely at conflict. So I tell him we’ll make specific plans to
meet up again soon. Because I miss our old talks. We only seem to meet
up in restaurants or bubble tea places.
We reach my car and I hug him tightly. He’s been my saving grace
tonight because I didn’t really know too many other people there. He
hugs me back, and we embrace for all but two seconds – wandering in that
grey area of good-friends-who-could-be-more. But still staying firmly
on friends territory.
I open my car door. He smiles at me and says he’ll see me in a few days. I smile back, excited.
On the drive back, I reminsce about our time together. Long
conversations in the middle of the night in his car. The multitude of
subjects we broach upon, but mainly about relationships.
My mind settles on the memory of one night when we almost became
something more. It had been evident, the feeling that night that
something should happen that night. We had both confess that we had
felt it. But I had told him that it would have been better that we both
should stay friends rather than take it further. In truth, I made a
better friend than I would have a girlfriend to him. I knew I’d end up
hurting him in the end. I knew it wouldn’t have been right to let it
get that far.
But there are times, like during this drive, that I find myself
wondering “what if?” What if I had taken that path to be with him.
Would we have something amazing right now? Or would we be bitter? Or,
even worse, would we end up as awkward acquaintances rather than the
easy friends we are now? Did I really make the right decision in the
I make it back to Y’s house and call him so he could let me in. He’s in
his pajamas when he opens the door; he’s been sleeping for a bit. He
sleepily kisses me and asks me how my night was. I smile and hug him
close. Fine, I tell him. He puts his arms around me, surprised by my
I realize as I’m having this moment with Y that I can’t dwell too long
on lost chances. We all have them – the ones that got away – but it’s
better to enjoy what I do have right now with my boyfriend.