WARNING: CHEESINESS AHEAD

First Kisses

Something I wrote just now…

28.8.04

“What do you want to do?”
“I dunno. Not stay in. Not watch tv. Anything else”
“Okay. Wanna go for a walk?”
“Sure”

And in a minute, we are in my car, heading towards Stanley Park. I am
tired from the day, and I just want to relax. You drive so I can rest
in the passenger seat.

We talk. And laugh. And playfully tease each other. Perhaps it’s
because we’re in the “getting to know each other” phase which is about
both infatuation and conceit, but the talk between us the last few
days has been smooth, easy going and engaging. Then again, we’ve always
been able to carry on great conversation, in all the time we’ve known
each other and talked.

We arrive at the light house. I laugh and tell you about how back in
first and second year, guys would take me here on dates and try to make
moves on me. But it’s such a cliché makeout spot that I refuse to do
anything with anyone here. As the words come spewing out of my mouth, I
am kicking myself inside. I know that really, if you wanted to kiss me
here, I’d let you.

We decide to take a walk around. It is damp out, because of the light
rain throughout the day. I only have my red hoodie, so you lend me your
jacket. I walked up to the railing and turn right to look towards
downtown Vancouver. You walk out beside me, stand in close.

“This used to be my favourite thing to look at.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I’d make people drive me out there just so I could stare.”
“You mean you’d make guys drive you out here?”
‘Yeah… I’d come out here and just stare and just think.”
“What would you think about?”
“A bunch of things. I was going through a depressing time in my life back then.”
“Oh…”

Your voice trails off,…following my quiet mood.You move in closer to
me. You put your arm around me, resting your hand on my waist. I notice
the change in the atmosphere, in the space between us. It is heavy and
serious. A tone I do not want to get into right now.

To break the mood and the moment, I run down the stairs, leading to the
sea wall. I sit on the steps waiting for you to follow me. You come to
me, slowly, watching me, trying to figure me out. I am looking at the
city lights again.

You sit down beside me, back towards me, looking at the same sight I
am. I move in closer. Because it is cold. But mostly because I want to
touch you, but on my own terms. You let me and we don’t really move. We
just take it all in.

“You want to walk around the sea wall?”
“Sure.”

We walk and we talk some more. We discuss our past relationships. You
tell me about your friends, the ones I know, the ones I’ve yet to meet.
I tell you about my career aspirations. Because we both have warped
senses of humour, the conversation quickly goes back to joking around.
You start teasing me, so I lightly smack you.

You take my hands, pull me in close. The world starts shifting and,
like in the movies, everything slows down. You lean down towards me. I
look up at you.

And we are finally kissing.

******

Something I wrote last summer…

Stories from a Garage

Alone, in the dark. The end of the night has swiftly came upon us, and here
we are. It has come – that odd time and place where you know
that something was going to happen but you’re not quite sure when or how. I sit, looking at him. Quiet.

The
memory of the last time we were together is still so fresh in my mind.
We are in his garage, prolonging the already long night for as long as
possible. Instead, we stay in his car in the dark garage which is
broken by the orange glare of street lights. The oddly comforting smell
of his midnight cigarette still lingers on his
fingers. The warmth of his palm presses against mine. The feeling of
our interlocking fingers. The high from doing nothing with him. No
words exchanged. Just touching, looking, smiling coyly.

He looks over at me, his face partially shielded by shadows and his eyes on me.

Uncomfortable
and unsure (mostly because I am more insecure than I let on) I break
the mood that is all around us. I take his hand in mind and I revert back to preschool flirting,
engaging him in a thumb war. He plays with me for a few seconds and
then stops. Just stops. He begins stroking my face with one hand, his other still
in my hand. I close my eyes and take it in – his touch, his essence. Even with my
eyes closed, I can still feel him watching me. He strokes my hair, my
jawline and I move along with him. My heart is beating, my adrenaline
is running.

I turn just so. His fingers brush my lips.
Boldly, I release his hand from my hold and I reach up to his face. I
bring us closer. I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him more than anything at
this moment. But I can’t bring myself to do it because in the end, I am still shy
and stilll reserved in these moments. My heart is in my throat and I
can feel my face getting red from excitement. I can take comfort
knowing shadows are also covering my face. I stroke my lips along his
face. Lightly. So lightly that every hair electrifies at each moment
of contact. Five o’clock shadows have never been so seductive than tonight. I run my
fingers along his hair and then he turns his
face just so and we are kissing.

It lasts just for two seconds. And by the time we pull back, we find we are both breathless.

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8 comments
  1. Words can only describe so much of the feelings that were going through your mind on those two special nights for yourself.  A moment, something that will last forever.  Somehow these moments you write, I have felt them recently, except for the kissing part, but somehow I understand.

  2. That was well-written.  I could really picture the scenes, as if found in a movie, or in a novel.  For me, it also brought back personal memories… the ones that shouldn’t be forgotten.

  3. impressive….very impressed….that’s some good writing there…..

  4. EsCue said:

    that was really good! when you reflect back on moments like that, it make a relationship worthwhile.

  5. Stanley park? Maybe I will find a guy to have the first kiss there…heheh!

  6. aw, how romantic. yay! you’re alive. i’ve missed u 😦

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