Now that I’ve got all of you thinking I’m a necrophiliac… (that, or a
dying virgin. But I got a feeling no one’s leaning towards option B.)

******

Why We Can’t Be Friends (Frienemies)

Back
when I was a teenager, I was one of those people who tried to be
friends with everyone. And even though I would say to people that I
didn’t care about what everyone thought of me, when I was alone, I
would obsess over why and what happened.

But as I’ve gotten
older, I realize life is too short to try to please everyone. Some
people can’t be pleased; some won’t be pleased. I’ve learned the
difference between friend and acquaintance. You have to
be choosier about who you’re friends with and be more willing to say
“go away”. That you won’t put up with some of the bull some people will
put you through and think they can still consider you a friend.

The following are some people I don’t think I could be friends with:

Case of the Jealous Girlfriends
Last
night, I was chatting with A, a friend I hadn’t heard from in a while.
He was telling about me about his new girlfriend. Although I was happy
for him, I had to ask: Is she going to be one of those girlfriends who
will forbid you to hang out with me? He said he didn’t know. But I
didn’t have to ask if he’d ever ditch our friendship for his
girlfriend. I knew he would, because he’d done it before.

I
respected a guy’s boundaries so I won’t pry and try to break up their
relationship. If a girlfriend’s jealous for whatever reasons, that’s
her own insecurities but I won’t try to push it. (I mean, it would be nice if the guys grew some balls and learned to stand up to their girlfriends, but hey! I can’t do anything about it.)

Nonetheless,
I’m also not the kind of person you can ignore for a year and a half
and then turn around and act like nothing’s happened after the
relationship’s over. I don’t need those kind of flippant people in my
life. They can keep themselves and their jealous (ex)girlfriends.

Perma- Moody Friends
I
can still clearly remember back in second year in dorms, I had this
friend, J. (Man, I have bad luck with people whose names start with J)
He was almost always angry at me, especially when I was hanging out
with people other than him. He was always in a bad mood and never let
me stay in my good moods. He’d always remind me of my faults, my
shortcomings. On the one hand, it’s good to have a friend who isn’t
afraid to say what you don’t want to hear. But on the other hand, you
don’t need a constant reminder of what a horrible person you are. He’d
say things to me like:

-All my friends think you’re a slut. I don’t. But I thought you should know everyone thinks you’re a slut.
-M hates you and thinks you’re annoying. That’s okay because I know you hate him too. I told him and he says you’re a bitch.
-M’s
sister is in fashion design school. She thinks you cannot dress. She’s
in fashion design school so she knows what she’s talking about.

Eventually
I realized J was telling me these things to make me feel like he was
the only one on my side. He’d make me feel like the whole world was
against me except him, so I should be grateful for his friendship. He’d
make me feel bad about the way I dressed and the way I carried myself
so I’d change. Which was bull and a pure passive-aggressiveness to try
and control me and make me who he wanted me to be rather than accept me
for who I was.

I don’t need people who are always pissy and
never happy to see me happy. I dont need people who make me feel bad
about myself, because they’re ashamed of me in front of their family
and/or friends. I’m a great person, and if they can’t see that then
they can go away.

Toxic Ex-Boyfriends
Y’s friends with
all of his exes. My brother’s gf L believes you can’t be friends with
any of your exes because there’s always feelings left behind. Myself?
I’ve remained friends with two of my five exes. And one I lost touch
with but we were friends last time we talked. So it’s just two strikes
outta five. It got me wondering why. It wasn’t until my friend L was
lecturing me about an ex a few months back that she helped me
understand something:

You can be friends with the ex-boyfriends
you ended on friendly terms with, because you both still respect each
other. You both can get past the past and remember that there’s still a
friendship underneath it all. If, however, you ended on bad terms –
especially on his bad terms – then a friendship isn’t possible.

I
had this one ex, D who cheated on me. Or to be more accurate, I was the
other woman to D’s fiance. In the end, I couldn’t be friends with D for
a variety of reasons. He still had a number of questions to ask him.
(“What happened?” “Why did you do that to me?”) I still held a lot of
hostility towards him and the way he treated me. And most importantly, being friends with him told him that what he did to me was okay. And it was not okay.
I wasn’t fine with it. I wanted an apology which I didn’t get, would
never get and wouldn’t settle for unless I got it. He wanted to be
friends to assuage his guilt and he didn’t deserve that.

Catty and Competitive Girlfriends
The
majority of my friends are guys. Maybe it’s because I grew up with a
brother and therefore I’m more comfortable with guys. I’ve never had a
lot of female friends and the female friends I do have are the kind of
girls who also don’t have a lot of female friends. I find that a lot of
female are very competitive and catty. They always turn everything into
a competition: clothes, grades, boyfriends, jobs, etc.

I
remember when I’d hang out with one girl, D. We’d be getting ready to
hit the clubs and she’s always steer me towards the ugly outfits. It
wasn’t that she had poor fashion sense, because her outfits made her
look amazing. But she’s always encourage me to dress like a bag lady or
a delusional Vietnamese mom desperately trying to recapture her youth
(hey, I can hate and make juddgements. My mom’s one of those ladies. ).
She always had to be the hotter one out of the two of us; I was never
allowed to look good. I didn’t even realize she was doing this until
one day her boyfriend had an argument with her and blurted it out to me.

Friendship shouldn’t be about that kind of competition. It’s more of a rivalry, and it’s never healthy. Like Vitamin_D pointed out in a post last week, you can only compare yourself to yourself.

In the end, it’s all about respecting yourself and phasing
out the people in your life who don’t respect you. You begin to realize
you’re worth more than the crap those “friends” put you through.
Nothing’s wrong with being tense acquaintances with those kind of
people. They probably don’t even deserve that much.

******

Stolen off Vitamin_D and MrBananaWamma:

 

English Genius
You scored 93% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 87% Advanced, and 77% Expert!
You did so extremely well, even I can’t find a word to
describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary
to understand things that most people don’t. You have an extensive
vocabulary, and you’re not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 33% on Beginner
You scored higher than 30% on Intermediate
You scored higher than 25% on Advanced
You scored higher than 75% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid

*Whew, if I did horrible, how bad would that look on me? Pressure from being an English major/teacher. I wonder how gloomybb and hollypoop will do? (Yes, this is a friendly challenge.)

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17 comments
  1. Here’s a story:
    There is an old man and a little boy traveling with a donkey (I have a point.. trust me).  They walk through the first town and the townspeople say ” look at that poor little boy, he looks so exhausted!  He should be riding the donkey.” So the old man boosts the little boy up on the donkey’s back.  At the next town they hit, the townspeople say “Look at that little boy, he should let the old man ride the donkey! Respect your elders!” So the old man starts riding the donkey.  They arrive in the next town and the townspeople say “Oh that poor old donkey, carrying the weight of that old man!”  So the old man gets off the donkey and resumes walking.  They come to an old rickety bridge.  Neither the old man or the boy want to attempt to cross, so they send the donkey.  The donkey falls to it’s death.The moral of the story:  Whenever you try to please everyone, you always lose your ass!
    Totally agreed with you about the points of being friends with exes. I’m friends with all but one..

  2. tak_604 said:

    Wow, it kinda made me go, WTF, I scored 0% on every single category on that quiz… then I realized I had script running on my office computer that was affecting how the code behind the quiz was working, lol… Ahh well, I’ll go home and try it again…. (can’t wait to see how horrible my spelling/grammer is)

  3. jesus, can this post BE any longer? i’m taking the test when i have time. haha
    oh yeah, and i hate u, we can’t be friends anymore. i hate the way u dress and talk and think u’re soooo cool.
    just kidding. frenemies are lame. let’s find them and beat them up. u never called me about annie hall.. maybe YOU’re the frenemy here… heehee okay gotta get out of bed (it’s 5pm dammmm).

  4. DC is such a big loser.  He can’t stop losing.  LOSER!
    ryc:  I got that page asking my age and crap but I didn’t get that other stuff.  Booooooooo!

  5. jesslaw said:

    i thought the test results said “evil genius” at first…. and i was like OH i wanna do that quiz. after further inspection. your stupid test doesnt interest me anymore.

  6. Anonymous said:

    hrrmmmm very interesting profile pic …

  7. Anonymous said:

    so much reading lol

  8. hahaha… i read the whole post… *grin* you’re going to enjoy what i post up… it’s something that happened at work. hahahaha….
    as for each catageory, i think i know at least ONE person in each one. *shrug* stupid people…
    i’m stupid at English.
    i watched “Simply Irresistable” before! it was great… so sweet and romantic. *grin* hahaha… absolute chick flick… hehehhee….
    by the way, pretty nipple. heehee… *blush*

  9. come check out my score biaaaatch!
    oh sorry, u said friendly challenge.. come check out my score FRIEND! ahahaha! I RULE!! (no, i think i just got really lucky. wow, it pays to be drunk!!)

  10. Your categories are so true, even us guys have friends like those, and yes, they would be girls!  Whoever doesn’t have at least one is lying, or really has been hiding out in a little hole.  I’m waiting for the “enemies” log now.

  11. hahhaa… yup – guy who doesn’t trust his girl….
    well – actually, i think he’d either belong in perma-moody friend or toxic (ex)boyfriend … without the (Ex) *shrug*
    i’ve got to say… everyone is pretty much stating the same thing as each other.
    ^_^
    do you know how many words can be used to describe “the opposite of trusting”?
    hahhahaha….

  12. hi, you dun kno me but i juss wanted to say dat… wut u said in this post is so tru… and it touched me cuz i kno how u feel…well i hope life is good w/ u…. take kare & byebye

  13. Anonymous said:

    I did too!!

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